Day Five: What was your biggest risk in 2010?

The day I risked my life & never regretted it since.

This may sound silly, but for me my biggest risk was getting into a relationship.  I have been truly heartbroken multiple times that I have had a guard up since my last relationship.  I wanted a boyfriend and was envious of those that were in relationships yet I couldn't commit.  (I'll have you be known that I have never had a problem with commitment, in fact I was always ready to commit to anything and everything).  This fear of commitment was new to me and it freaked me out because I didn't know how to handle this new attribute.  I didn't want it to be a new quality that I possessed.

I was so fearful of getting hurt, giving more then I received.  Scared of loosing my sense of self and going back to codependency.  This was all the stuff I learned about myself throughout counseling.

I met him in July of 2009 and was totally oblivious to his feelings for me because I was so relationship deficient.  I was scared he was going to be just another guy and I would end up getting hurt... yet again.  Left for Switzerland for a few weeks in October '09 and finally came to realize that I was okay with being alone... okay with not having a partner.  This was an essential development for me!  I was never okay being alone (I think this roots back to my relationship with my mother- I always wanted to be with her + codependence).  I knew that there was no way I would be able to be with someone again if I wasn't okay with just being with myself.  I think they call that Independence ;)  And I finally conquered this obstacle!

Next risk was letting him into my personal life and heart; to let the guard down.  He left for Hawaii and I realized I missed him for the first time!  I knew this was a good sign!  We rang in 2010 together and knew the risk I needed to take... let him in completely and hopefully forever.  The best risk I have ever taken.